It’s been a while…
It’s been a while since I’ve felt a sensation of quiet being
It’s been a while since pure beauty has tapped me gently on the shoulder
It’s been a while since I’ve been clear enough to appreciate it calling out to me
It’s been a while since I’ve seen a beautiful sunset
It’s been a while longer since I’ve run to get the camera and capture an image of one.

In one of the sessions Shahar suggested that I choose a body part to focus my attention and work. I chose to work with the upper part of the torso – the shoulders and neck. Then Shahar suggested I introduce a change by choosing another body part. Some minutes later I started focusing on hands. Tal & Eran seemed to acknowledge my choice (though I did not say anything about this to anyone else) and their dance became a dance of hands.

Some time later, when I got around to browsing the images from the session I came across this pair of sequential images. They were taken a few minutes before I made the conscious choice to change focus from shoulders to hands (in the sequence, they appear amongst the shoulder images).  To this day I wonder about the nature of “my choice”.

As this edition of Glimpses was moving within me, I recalled a question I have engaged numerous times over the past years – how can I express my presence, photographically, in a physical space of movement?

• Initially I searched for “technical variations” such as photographic exposure settings.
• Then I explored “mechanical variations” such as replacing zoom lenses with fixed focal length lenses (which caused me to travel the space with my legs instead of my wrist), manual focus, etc.
• During the last Orchard Labs projects I learned to experience, appreciate and work with a new perspective on composition. One that is based on my position in the space (and it’s affect on  the composition of the space) in addition to what is framed in the camera (classic composition).
• I am now realizing that I can move on a more subtle level – small shifts of my intentions and interests (magic!) can cause a shift in many other aspects of my work and interaction with others in the space.

Thinking back to the unconscious transition from shoulders to hand now takes me to a new experience. What if it is not me that made that choice to change? What if that same choice manifested itself in the dancers as it did through me? I now recall with a deeper understanding a phrase Shahar introduced that describes an intricate dance that takes place in our work: “Conscious intent and Unconscious motivations”. Indeed!

This image is from that morning session. I don’t know who encountered the long end of the stick – Yael who was drenched in cold sea water, or Shahar who drenched her?

The performance itself was a special occasion for me because this time I did not perform with a camera in hand. Instead I wrote a live text (something we tried briefly in the past) that was projected into the space (I was using a custom Flash application I had written specifically for the occasion). I also played Shakuhachi for Shahar – though I had toyed with the Shakuhachi once before in a performance – playing with Shahar an entire peace was an exciting first. Though I had my camera with me I had very little inclanation to use it as I was very much involved in the performance and the camera was a distraction (I am smiling as I write these words… wow what a journey).  The following image gives a small glimpse into the performance – and following it is the text that was born (the text in italic was invisible to the audience who only heard amplified keyboard clicks – the bold was visible). A second performance is planned for April – so keep your ears to the wall.

there was a small midget on the hill
he was overlooking a gray landscape (naturally)
he was searching but not really expecting to find
he was distant

it was an option nothing more
it wasn’t going to lead to anything
but it could not denied

green is a nice color, so is blue, gray is OK, the rest are the rest
it is not required reading, but it should be
the way the character pushes out against the obvious
leaves him lonely

his loneliness is a sanctuary, he sanctuary is cold
so he stands on a hill, overlooking, expecting
do you know where yo are?
do you want to know
is there a way to make it all come together?
is there a way to make it stop
you know its coming
and there is nothing you can do about it
you want it
you don’t want it
and then when it’s gone you wish it would start over again

is there any other way to do it
would you want it any other way ??

it’s finally here upon us
remembering myself is awkward
forgetting myself is even worst
and yet there is no two ways about it is there
everybody is finally here

hahaha
ha haha

remembering myself is an awkward thing
I don’t really want to
because if I do
I will also be gone
I still want to be here
at least for now

but ….

something is pushing at my side
it’s hands are cold… actually
one hand, the right one is cold
the other is warm
odd isn’t it?
its a strange sensation…
it’s as if its already here…
but part of it is still on the way…
I like the part that’s here…
I am not sure I want to meet the rest
I’m not sure I want it to stop
I’m not sure I want it to stay
hahaha
I’m sure I’m not sure

see what I mean?
bone chilling…. but kind of nice… no?
you know you want it…
it’s teasing….
but a part of you…
well… you know….
it creates a space
in it I can breathe
outside of it I can move….

do you know the small midget on top of the grey hill?
that stupid hat…
how many times have I told him…. don’t wear that stupid hat….
if you get caught in that…..
they will hurt you
and they will never go away….

and here we are again
its funny – you want to know what is happening…
but you can’t
how does it feel?
yes I am here
now you can see me….

you know that picture?
(by the way – I really don’t like pink)…
anyways…. that picture with the blue sky?
and that perfect cloud?
can you feel it already in your heart?
stupid…
its never really like that…
it’s just what it is…
you want it to be sexy… but it’s not …
you want it to be romantic… give me a break…
it’s just that… what it is….

that obvious presence you like to take for granted….
and then miss it when it’s gone
there is a deafening silence….
thats when you know… that when your body knows…
it’s coming….
you don’t want it to….
but … well.. admit it a part of you does…
could you forgive yourself if you missed it

you will never know it …
until it has gone….
then you will forget

I invite you to leave a comment on this post, indicating to whom you would wish to GIVE this print and your inspiration for giving. You can also vote for the giving you would wish to come true.

Good fun to all : )

]]> http://www.stillcreation.com/2009/02/share-inspiration/feed/ 4 http://www.stillcreation.com/2008/12/arriving/ http://www.stillcreation.com/2008/12/arriving/#comments Mon, 15 Dec 2008 10:05:36 +0000 iamronen http://www.stillcreation.com/?p=300 I recently had the pleasure of performing with Shlomit again – this time in a small and intimate gallery in Jerusalem. The performance was an invitation to respond to the space itself and to the exhibition that it contained. It had been a long physical and metaphysical journey that brought me to this performance. In the end it was my simple wish to immerse myself again (it has been a while) in a creative bubble that motivated me to set out and complete the journey. I am glad I did.

Ironically, especially now as I read the words I have written, the highlight of the evening was for me before the performance itself. I usually prefer to get the technical setup done and then take time to myself. An electrical outlet changed those plans – I now had to wait for the electrician. So I laid down on the floor, on my back, and spent some time settling. When my body felt the need to move I let it, and soon I was again lying on the floor face down, my left cheek touching the floor, my arm partly obstructing my view. Then it happened.

I think that for the first time in my life I was conscious of arriving. It was as if the blinking of my eyelids came to a stop and sight became still. It was as if a comet trail I left behind me finally caught up with me and I came into focus. I do not recall sounds – everything went quiet. Someone moved through my field of vision, yet my attention did not follow. All my senses felt open yet steadily turned inwards. I was in peaceful awe. Though I feel this is a familiar experience – I don’t recall being so aware of it before.

I cannot say much about the performance itself and I don’t really want to. I can say that for the first time I was completely free – even from, and maybe especially from, photography. I was not looking for images, I was completely in a performance body dancing (no point in avoiding that word anymore) with Shlomit. I, also for the first time in a performance, played my Shakuhachi – and it too was so kind to me, sounds came with ease. I did not see the images that I took and were projected into the space, and I have not even downloaded them from the camera. Even in this writing, I have no motivation to go through a process of photography to display and share images.

After the performance Andreea and I went to a wonderful japanese restaurant. My body was warm and overheating – I removed all but one layer of clothing in the cool Jerusalem weather. As we sat down Radiohead’s “House of Cards” was playing in the background and I felt as if I was sinking into it. When I took the first spoonful of warm soup my eyes closed and my entire body embraced it like it rarely does anymore. The experience of flavor was refreshing and new. With my hunger satisfied we began the journey back home. I was alert and awake despite the late hour.

a while ago i spoke to shahar about two experiences i had in a studio environment – both times i felt, after the events had occured, uncomfortable with my actions. i felt that i chose violence as a form of expression. i felt i was confessing this to shahar who, like he has many times, wrapped me in his attentive embrace and gently shifted my perspective and shed a new light on … well my perception.

though i don’t remember now both occasions of violence – one does stand out in my memory. it was during the second day of my visit to the gottingern impro-festival.  the first days were designated a teachers meeting – with the intension of giving the teachers and facilitators time to meet and give the festival a focus and flavor. during the evenings we were trying out an open space – where arts and artist could meet and explore together. the event i am referring to is the first open space experiment where i felt like nobody new quite what to do. the word that comes to my mind and sticks there relentlessly is weird. though this was not the first time i experienced weird in improvisation work – this time is was intense and different. the space felt heavy and lost – and as if to cope with that the participants, me included, seemed to be aggressive and searching.

as i was searching for a door into this tense space – i approached david – who was sitting on the outskirts of the space with his notebooks and pencils. at first i approached him with the camera taking a few images – then i engaged him in an interaction – the nature of which was to disturb him. as i write these words – i feel as if i was picking on him, in a way hoping he would react and express his discomfort with my interruption. violence – is the best word to describe what i felt then and afterward. i cannot recall what actually happened and what was his reaction. i do remember going up to him and apologizing when the session ended.

i also recall, towards the end of the session, seeing shahar sitting with the guitar next to a wall. he arrived a few hours earlier and we had a wonderful and playful session together with judit, orly and shai. i don’t recall him participating in the session itself. i do remember seeing him there – like an island of sanity within the mess that was left behind in the physical space and beyond.

some months later i brought up this experience of violence in a conversation with shahar. he then said to me that in physical contact with another person there are two ways to apply physical force – pushing to create distance and pulling to create proximity. though many words can be used to describe these actions – their essence & nature do not change – they describe a physical interaction. my interpretation of my interaction with the space embodied additional contexts (social, moral…) that are simply not relevant in a creative space of physical contact and motion. pushing and pulling  are expected and agreed. if there was any violence involved it occurred in my mind and was turned against me and not against others.

A few weeks before the Orchard Labs began I spontaneously wrote a text. It was based on the lyrics of a song. It was written with a twist in the song’s story telling character. Each verse in the song became an individual text. The text poured out of me and was completed in 20 minutes. I then wanted to do something with the text during the Orchard Labs. It’s a wonderful opportunity because of the wonderful performers that attended and their complete focus and dedication to create.

I shared this idea with Shahar and played around with it for some time. At the beginning of the Orchard Labs I still didn’t know what I wanted to do – or actually if I wanted to do anything at all. I kept swinging from passionately wanting to do something to completely forgetting about it. It was clear all the time that if something were to happen – it would be in the desert. At one point I approached Helena with the idea and asked her to consider joining me. She spent some time with the text and then generously said she would gladly join. Then during one practice session, just a day before the planned departure, it occured to me, watching her work, that Anna needed to be a part of this. Helena and I discussed this and couldn’t make up our minds, so we asked Anna – and her response tipped the scales. She too joined the project.

The project took place over one day from early morning to sunset. We transformed each part of the text I had written into an improvisation score. We then began to drive through the desert. When we found an appealing location we stopped and performed. The work kept changing to the very end. Some scores were performed as planned, others never took place, and somethings happened that were not at all planned. I was amazed and humbled by Anna’s and Helena’s dedication – they did some difficult physical work and the conditions were not easy. I feel that it is this dedication to create and the improvisational openness to embrace whatever may come – that made this day an amazing and inspiring experience.

We came back with over 1500 images and  75 minutes of video footage. Following is just a small taste:

I found out that this love story with the orange tree was just the reflection of the love story with the work we made. It was the love story with the Orchard Lab, with the Art. That is the reason to create a space in which we could bring our time and leave a piece of our soul, and words, movement, earth, past-memory-recollection, night, light, presence, music, oranges, wind, absence, I and We, and tumble exhausted. Open the space, fall down together into the night, drink a wine made of oranges, and walk on the earth that keeps us together and in distance.”

Ana Sanchez Couso

My relationship with the second (recent) Orchard Labs project was and remains a mystery. One of the ideas that came up when I talked about this with Shahar was a change in my ‘formal role’. I thought of trying out a documentary role – it seemed to give me a sense of retreat. I was feeling anxious about creating at the time (though we were on a break). Actually I think I was scared of repeating myself. The documentary/journalistic role seemed to give me a wider view of the project and allowed me to step back.

Of course this agreement, though a comforting entry point, didn’t hold out for long. When you gotta go you gotta go – and of course there were moments where I completely digressed from my ‘documentary role’ back into a creative position – deep within the work. Though I had some insights and experiences around the ideas of these roles and my relationship to the work, but this is not the current topic.

This time I encountered a new creative experience. I found myself wanting to express myself bu without any attraction to the camera. The camera did not seem to be a relevant form of expression for me in these moments. I did find myself drawn to paper. I started playing around with drawing during the Tune project in Barcelona. I really had an urge to do this. It was then that I first became familiar with textures and qualities of drawing. During the Orchard Labs I found comfort in drawing numerous times.